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Help. Trigger warning read with caution (not graphic but tw all the same).


I’ve reached the stage of tiredness where I can’t even sleep. I just cannot do this at all. The thing is my flashbacks are back with a vengence at the moment, it being close to the anniversary of the shambolic court date and all that jazz, and i am really really finding things difficult at the moment. I’d just like one day where he does not infringe it. One memory of my childhood that has not been tainted by him. It’s like he took the reflection if my childhood and smeared dirty fingers across it, he’s across everything I can remember and he impacts on every day of my life. I’m trying, god knows in trying but life is so difficult at the moment. I often wonder how I would have been without all the abuse and the rape, I know it’s fruitless but it does often cross my mind. When I know my partners gone to sleep again with no kisses and no cuddles because I can’t bear to have him touch me like that right now and I feel so guilty but I can’t do anything about it and it just makes me angry and god my therapy session cannot come soon enough this week. I’m sorry for ranting and taking up space on your dashboard. I’m just feeling lonely and calling out for help here I guess. Have a lovely day xxx